Thursday, 7 October 2010

The rules of business

Thinking of running a business in Ukraine? Then you might find it useful to run through this score card of attributes to see how you would stand up.

1. Would you describe yourself as tough?
a. As nails mate, you want some?
b. When I’m in my car.
c. No.

2. Do you have a heart, back or neck condition?
a. Nope, tough as nails me.
b. Only after a night on the lash.
c. All three plus haemorrhoids and a flaky scalp.

3. Can you consume heroic quantities of vodka and still calculate a ROI
a. You’re my besht new mate, hic, 15%!
b. I could work it out with a pencil.
c. White wine for me please.

4. Which statement best describes your principles?
a. Those are my principles and if you don’t like them, I have others.
b. A moral and business code to be adhered to as and when it is expedient.
c. A moral and business code to be adhered to at all times.

5. What are your thoughts on corruption?
a. Ha! Thatcher sold me my own council house!
b. Define corruption.
c. A despicable thing, there should be a law against it.

How did you score?
Mostly A - congratulations, you have a small chance your business will flourish, unfortunately you probably wont be the owner by then.

Mostly B - your business will survive approximately long enough to have all the assets stolen.

Mostly C – oh dear, stay at home, invest in premium bonds.